Entropy is the measurement of how evenly energy is distributed, or the measure of the randomness or chaos in a system. It is related to a law in physics that states energy or matter tends toward even distribution or disorder. For example, if you take a warm towel out of the dryer, the heat will quickly dissipate into the room. Or in a more practical parallel-- whatever toys you have in a basket (or whatever clothes you have in a closet . . . depending if you have toddlers or teenagers) will tend to evenly spread across the floor as the day goes on.
Basically, everything in this world begins to unravel or disorganize unless someone/something exerts energy to organize it. And I think we can all see that this is very true when we think about our homes, our schedules, and our relationships. Just like it takes consistent effort to keep the dishes clean, the laundry done*, and our homes livable, it takes simple but important rituals to keep our marriages intact.
Thinking about this law makes me think about the creation in a new light. God created the world by bringing order to chaos. Therefore, it is a godlike attribute to bring order. And in bringing order to something, creation takes place. So by maintaining order in a relationship, you really are building it, creating it. No wonder the Lord said, "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God." Our relationships can't be godlike or eternal without order-- or active energy on our part.
The important rituals in each marriage may differ, but I think they tend to include communication, affection, quality time, affirmation, and gratitude. For me and Brent, kissing before he leaves for work, having dinner together, talking every night, sending text messages, going on dates, sitting next to each other in church meetings, praying together, and sharing ideas together are all important rituals to us. These are simple things that if we don't do, I start to feel a little unraveled, or at least disconnected. But once we start doing them again, I feel like our relationship is refreshed.
What are your thoughts about entropy in relationships? (And this definitely applies to all relationships, not just marriage.) What you do to maintain your relationships?
Also, if you are interested, my friend Aimee found this great article on Resisting Marital Entropy. Thanks for sharing, Aimee! It got me thinking!
*We say "done" but really, is laundry ever really done??
6 comments:
That's such an interesting way to look at it and so true! I know the days where my husband ends up working from 5am to 7 or 8pm seem like the longest days ever. When he gets home that late we're usually getting kids down for bed so there is little time to talk. Those days I almost feel like something is missing. If I don't get that time to just talk and get a hug and a kiss it's like a void. Even church stuff can be straining because it adds more meetings and places to be. Saturday mornings are the only mornings I get to spend with him and there are some days its a quick hello and goodbye in passing as one person comes home and another leaves. We definitely take advantage of our weekends for family time to just be together. And a lot of times the feeling of separation can easily be satisfied by just a little time together. Doesn't always have to be some big date. Just to have the kids in bed and time to ourselves to talk in peace is enough :)
No, the laundry is never done!!! Which is why it is my least favorite chore :/
I really like this concept, though, and it makes so much sense to me. It gives agency its proper place in relationships-- if they "work out", it is because we did something about it. It reminds me much of Elder Bednar's favorite scriptural phrase, (at least the one I always hear him quoting), that we as people need "to act and not be acted upon". Order versus entropy!
I think about this a lot, actually, about things in general. It often annoys me how frequently I have to sweep up dust or wipe down counters or weed the yard, but then I remember that all things testify of Christ--and like our dust or weeds, we are in constant need of attention and repentance. The Lord tries to teach us the principle of constant action and work to maintain our spirituality and relationship with him.
I love these comments! So much food for thought. It's so true that by acting-- and not being acted upon-- that we "work out" our marriages. And I love your thoughts, Leigh, about how all things testify of Christ. I love what you said: " . . .like our dust or weeds, we are in constant need of attention and repentance." I hadn't considered how the most important relationship for us to avoid entropy in is our relationship with God. Thanks for sharing!
Sarah, thanks so much for posting this, it has really made me think today. Entropy has always been an idea that fascinates me, but I've never applied it to relationships before. It makes so much sense though. You think once you fall in love and get married that bam, there you are, set for eternity. But no, not even close. It takes effort just to maintain, and even more effort to enrich. Good things to think about.
Ok, so I read this post a few days ago but didn't have time to comment. However, I have been thinking about it a lot. I really do like the analogy between entropy and relationships. I have been thinking about how it applies to my marriage but also how it applies to life in general. My spirituality, my desire to do good, to learn, grow and progress all seem to deteriorate if I do not constantly push myself to act. I suppose in the big scheme of things, our purpose here on earth is to fight against entropy, or use our agency to act instead of being acted upon. It takes constant work and diligence to become a better person and to have good relationships. From now on, when I am lying in bed early in the morning and I am trying to decide between extra scripture study before the kids get up or just sleeping in, I will tell myself to fight entropy and act:)
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