Power of Moms Retreat

At the beginning of the month, I was able to go to a Power of Moms retreat in Park City. I knew it would be a great day, but I have to say, it exceeded my expectations. April and Saren, the directors of Power of Moms, are just so incredible! Their presentations were packed with great ideas and delivered in an effective, practically flawless manner.

Saren's parents, Richard and Linda Eyre (of parenting literature fame) hosted the retreat at their home and participated as well. I have read some of what they have written, but hearing them speak in person was very impressive. And I loved how down-to-earth and approachable they were. 

The retreat started with some suggestions about how to get the most from the day, and then jumped right into presentations alternating with small group discussions. What surprised me the most about the retreat is how much I would learn from the other mothers. Everyone there was a fabulous mom, and those women had so many great ideas. 

On a personal level, the retreat was also fun because I got to spend time with two dear, bosom friends: Rachel, a Writing Fellows/English-teaching friend who I hadn't seen in about seven years and who initially got me involved with Power of Moms, and Amanda, one of my college roommates who I wish I lived next door to and who is also now an editor. I only wish the three of us had had more time to chat-- as I'm sure the three of us just sitting and talking could have been equally invigorating. 

But now for the report. There is no way I can replicate what I experienced at the retreat. And to be honest, it was so jam-packed with information, my brain started to get a little fried at the end. (Although, that could have been because I was sick with the stomach flu the two days before.) But here is some of what I learned: 

Hard is good! 

One of my biggest questions going into the retreat was, "How can I get through the hard times?" There are parts of motherhood that are so daunting to me-- especially morning sickness at the beginning of pregnancy at sleep deprivation at the beginning of babyhood. Since I only have one child and plan to have more, those fears sometimes really weigh on me. Can I really handle more children??? Most of the women there were my age and had 3-4 kids. And it was great to hear from them. They've been through it, and they didn't sugar coat anything. When I asked what they do to cope in the hard times, my group actually went silent. Hard times are hard! To be honest, no one had an easy answer for me . . . because there isn't one. But seeing that they knew what I was talking about was some nice validation. 

What really helped though was Linda Eyre's message: "Hard is good!" She was actually the first one to speak-- which was right after I had written down my question (What are coping skills for the hard times?). And she immediately answered it!! Talk about inspiration. As she talked, I couldn't hold back the tears. She spoke of her mother and grandmothers and the trials they faced-- immigrating to a new country, losing loved ones along the trail to Utah, having children late in life, etc. Their great sacrifices have inspired her, and she encouraged us to look to our ancestors and ask, "What came from these hard lives?" The answer give us strength to move forward. 

Share Your Heart

A lot of moms deal with a huge weight of guilt-- guilt for all the things they can't do or aren't able to do as well as they would like. I didn't think I had this problem too much, but after thinking about it more, I really do carry guilt for things like not exercising or eating right, and for my lack of motivation to get chores done or do creative projects around the house. 

April explained that the best way to get rid of the guilt is to share your heart. She explained that when she can't volunteer in her kids' classrooms, she tells the teachers, "In my heart, I would be here every day, but my schedule is such that I can't right now." She says that when she does this, the guilt is able to leave. This is a great article April wrote on the subject: http://powerofmoms.com/2013/02/how-to-be-all-things-to-all-people/

My Deeper "Yes"

April also talked about the importance of saying,"Yes," to the things that matter way deep down. For her this is spending time with her mom, whose health is quickly declining. She would love to travel this summer with Saren, who is driving across the country with her family to see the sights and do a bunch of mini-retreats, but she's saying, "No," to that so she can fulfill her deeper "Yes." It made me think about what things I need to say no to so I can say yes to the things that really matter. 

Five-Facet Meetings

Richard Eyre shared how he and his wife kept connected to each other and their nine kids. Once a month they would go on a date to a restaurant with the sole purpose of talking about their kids. They called this their Five-Facet Meeting because they discussed five facets of each of their children: How was each child doing physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and socially?

He said that mostly this was a reporting meeting because his wife knew most of the information, and he didn't. But as they identified problems, they were able to counsel together about them. He said that his process helped prevent many problems from getting out of hand. 

I thought this was a fabulous idea. I know most parents talk about their kids on a daily basis. But sitting down to discuss each facet of each of your children really provides an opportunity to evaluate how things are going at a deeper level. 

Building a Family

They Eyres also taught about how the family is a microcosm of a society. Just like in any successful nation, you need a working economy, a strong legal system, and unifying sense of culture. We spent half the day talking about these three things, and I got a ton of ideas on how to teach about money, how to discipline, and how to build family traditions.

Mind Organization for Moms

This is a program offered by Power of Moms to help organize your life-- not only your papers, calendar, etc., but also your mind. There were SO many good tips in this part of the retreat, but one of my big takeaways was to identify the next action on my to-do list. In other words, when you write your to-do list, you shouldn't write down, "Plan baby shower," or even "Send out invites," because those tasks are too overwhelming or too complicated to actually complete that day. Instead, you should write down only the next action, which could be, "Email Katie to get the addresses of the people she wants to invite." If the action is doable, you are much more likely to actually do it!

"I'd Love To" Jar 

April shared how when she was tired of her children dragging their feet to do chores or complaining about requests, she came up with this idea. If her children responded to her by saying, "I'd love to, Mom," they got to put a cotton ball in the jar. When it was filled, they all went out for frozen yogurt. And she said it worked great! If a child forgot and started to grumble, she said she would repeat her request with an extra sugary sweet voice to remind them about the jar. She told a great story about how when she asked her son to put away a shopping cart, and he said, "I'd love to," the grocery store checker was shocked.

Go to Antarctica

A mom named Janelle who led one of the group discussions told about how in their family when you need to cool down (after getting mad, frustrated, etc.), you say, "I'm going to Antarctica." She says this helps everyone identify when they need to take a break. She also has a white fuzzy blanket and a snow globe that her kids can grab to help them calm down if they need to. 

Books Recommended at the Retreat

Getting Things Done by David Allen

Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Surrendering to Motherhood by Iris Krasnow

Parenting Breakthrough by Merrliee Boyack

Positive Timeout  by Jane Nelsen

Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham

Christlike Parenting by Glenn Latham

Some Great One Liners

A good goal for life: wake up excited and go to bed content.- April or Saren

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” -C.S. Lewis quoted by Richard Eyre

In motherhood, the crazy moments outnumber the joyful, but the joyful outweigh the crazy. -Saren

Girl Rising

Last night I saw the documentary, Girl Rising. Since, on average, I see about one movie a year in the theater, this was quite significant--and more so because showings are few and far between. I choose my movies carefully (especially the ones I pay $10 for), but this one was worth every penny. (A BIG thanks to my friend, Kimber, for telling me about it.)

The documentary tells the true story of nine girls from different countries around the world, who for different reasons face extreme opposition when it comes to their education, freedom, and safety. Seven of the nine girls portray themselves in the film, which makes it extremely powerful. Two were portrayed by actors because these girls literally risked their lives to tell their stories and would certainly be killed if their identities were revealed. 

Initially, I was worried about seeing this film because it is rated PG-13 for disturbing material. I usually avoid disturbing stuff, and, in the past, I've regretted seeing movies, like Slumdog Millionaire. (That one was even edited when I saw it, and I still couldn't handle it.) I'm just a sensitive person. 

But this movie was inspiring! Even though the stories were filled with tragedy, they also rang with hope. And the very disturbing parts of their stories were told delicately and appropriately. If this is the rating spectrum, I would put the movie here: 

                G                             PG                         PG-13                        R

   [------------------------] [---------------------] [-X-----------------] [------------------------]

I was very happy that the film makers chose to make the movie the way they did instead of graphically showing the tragic circumstances of these girls' lives. This way, it opens the opportunity for more (and younger) girls to see the film than it would have otherwise. 

It is a movie that will stay with me. I just keep thinking about these girls. And they are real.  

Ruksana lives on the streets of India--on the pavement under a tent-- but, amazingly, has a loving, intact family. Her parents are sacrificing everything they have to put their three girls through school. It's a dangerous place to live, so sometimes she has to stay in a shelter to protect herself from thugs. 

Senna lives in a gold-mining town called La Rinconada on the cliffs in Peru and has probably never seen a tree in her life. It is the highest inhabited city in the world, and the conditions are terrible. But, even after her father dies, she chooses to stay in school and protect herself from anything that could lead her to working in a brothel. She is courageous and virtuous, and she knows her strength. And I have to admit, I felt just awful sitting there, watching her story, with a gold ring on my finger. Oh, the problems in our world. 

Suma, from Nepal, was bonded into slavery as a six-year-old. She worked from 4 am until late at night, was beaten, and denied education. As I watched, my heart ached. Although bonded labor was made illegal in 2000 in Nepal, only recently has it begun to stop. Suma was rescued by a man who convinced her master to let him teach her to read and write. They started a night school, and eventually one of her other female teachers demanded that her master let her go. He didn't at first, but this teacher came back day after day to argue with him about the law. And eventually, he let her go. Now Suma is free, and she works to free other girls who are still illegally held as slaves. 

Wadley, a darling, imaginative girl, lost everything except her mother after the earthquake in Haiti. She feels her life must be important since it was spared, but there is no money for school, and she longs to be there. So she just goes. And when the teacher says she has to leave, she doesn't. She stands up and says she will keep coming back until she lets her stay. And so the teacher lets her stay. 

Most of all, I keep thinking about the girl (her true name wasn't revealed) from Afghanistan, who was forced into an arranged marriage by her parents at eleven years old. She had lived in a part of the country where the Taliban did not have a strong grip, so she learned to read and write as a young girl. But her education stopped when she was married. With the money her parents got from the arrangement, they bought a used car for their son. I didn't want to believe it. Any of it! She immediately got pregnant--at eleven years old.  And, surprisingly, she didn't die in childbirth-- which according to the movie is the number one cause of death for girls ages 15-18 world wide. As she tells her story her words are powerful. She says that even though she was born into a place where she is treated like a slave, she will rise up and be the change for her country. I only hope this is true. 

The stories of these girls were humbling. I've always known I was privileged, but it's so easy to focus on what you don't have instead of what you have. As I snuggled under the warm covers in bed last night, holding an expensive down pillow--I just felt spoiled, in an unjust way. I have large, comfortable, carpeted, safe place to live--900 square feet for a mere three people. I have been protected from sexual abuse and assault. I have a college education. I have never gone hungry, except by choice. I have never had to wonder if I was going to die. I have enjoyed freedom my whole life. I have so much. 

So now what to do? The only problem I have with movies like these is that I'm all too aware that watching them does nothing. The world will only change if we act. 

I'm going to start by giving more freely to others around me. I'm going to cherish and use my education. I'm going to help my son recognize and appreciate his education, safety, and freedom. And I'm going to teach him to respect and honor women. Eventually I hope to raise more children-- to all be strong and courageous in defending truth and goodness. And I will love not only the children who are not mine, but all children. I believe that all adults carry the weight of responsibility to protect all children--boys equally as girls. And I will think more deeply about this talk, which addresses many of these issues. 

I think movies like these will help the world if they motivate each of us to do better in our sphere of influence and to give to organizations that are honest and effective.

Busy Other Places

I feel like I haven't posted here as much lately, but it's because I've been writing here:

http://www.ateachermom.com/2013/03/19/book-review-last-child-in-the-woods-saving-our-children-from-nature-deficit-disorder/

http://www.ateachermom.com/2013/03/21/finding-nature-in-the-city-a-general-guide-for-apartment-living/

http://www.ateachermom.com/2013/03/30/finding-nature-in-the-city-part-3-houston/

And I've been editing here:

http://powerofmoms.com/2013/03/all-hail-the-kangaroo/

http://powerofmoms.com/2013/03/a-deep-uncomfortable-patience/

http://powerofmoms.com/2013/03/spiritual-sundays-matzah-and-motherhood/

As you can see, I've been having fun. I hope you enjoy these. :-)

Power of Moms

So in the last two weeks I took on a new, fun project. I am now a volunteer editor for The Power of Moms. My friend, Rachel, helped me get involved, and I'm so grateful to her!

I had been a casual reader of The Power of Moms for some time, bu nowt it's so fun to be on the inside of things. When I edit articles, I can't wait to see them published! Here is one that I really liked:

http://powerofmoms.com/2013/03/unrushed-moments/

And, really, I like all their articles. They post one every day, and they are idea-sparking and inspiring.

Also, I will be attending this retreat in May. Does anyone in the SLC area want to join me? http://powerofmoms.com/premium-retreat-in-park-city-ut-may-4-2013/

It does cost quite a bit of money, and so do some of the programs on the site. BUT I just found out that as a board member I can do a Power of Moms giveaways! I can't give away retreats, but I can give way programs. So I'll keep you all posted.

Tender Mercies

The most amazing thing happened yesterday. But to understand the story, I need to give some background.

My sister, Marie, is serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the South Dakota Rapid City Mission. She received her assignment less than 6 weeks after President Monson announced a change in the age requirement for missionaries. For years, girls have had to wait until age 21 to serve, while boys could serve at 19. Now, boys can go at 18 and girls can go at 19!

This change in policy was life changing for our family-- and a tender mercy all on its own. Marie, who does not turn 21 until September, really wanted to serve. But the timing of her birthday was inconvenient considering her education schedule. When the prophetic announcement was made, Marie and my mom (and me) started crying because we knew what this would mean for Marie--and for the Church, and for missionary work, and for women all over the world.

And it meant Marie could go immediately! Within just a few weeks, she submitted her application, which is quite a feat considering that the process requires a physical exam, dental exam, multiple interviews, etc. And just a few weeks after that, she received her call to South Dakota. She reported to the Missionary Training Center on Feburary 20th, and just a week ago Monday she arrived in Rapid City. There, she received her first assignment to serve in Gillette, WY (pictured above).

Mare's mission covers North and South Dakota and parts of Wyoming, Iowa, and Minnesota. I'm not sure on the exact stats, but I would be willing to bet that Marie's mission has the lowest population density of any mission in the United States. There just aren't a lot of people who live up there. In fact, before yesterday, if you had asked me if I knew anyone that lived in her mission boundaries, I would have told you, "Nope, not a one."

But when I found out she was assigned to serve in Gillette, I thought the name sounded familiar (and not because of the razor company). I told my mom, "I think I've heard of Gillette. I must know someone from there, because otherwise, why would I have ever heard of it?"

Gillette is a town of 30,000 (which is big for Wyoming), but it's in the northeastern part of the state-- far away from Yellowstone and the other big Wyoming attractions. I had never been anywhere near it. I did a quick search on Facebook to see if anything would come up if I typed in Gillette or Wyoming. No luck. Oh well, I must have been wrong. So I didn't think much of it after that.

But last night, my friend Crystal (who served with me as a missionary in South Africa) wrote on my wall: "Guess who I met tonight??? Um a wonderful sister missionary by the last name of Sheranian :D Yep she's serving in my town (Gillette, WY)!! She says hi and that she loves you :D"

And then it all clicked. Crystal is from Alaska, but I do remember seeing something on Facebook about her getting a teaching job in Gillette!

And so the tender mercy: Marie, during her first week as a missionary (which is usually filled with a roller-coaster of emotions as you realize you are with people you don't know, doing something you don't really know how to do, in a place you don't know, and you're going to be there for a year and a half!) meets the one and perhaps ONLY person that anyone in her family knows in her entire mission boundaries. Not only that, but the person she meets was someone that her sister served with as a missionary. Someone who is very familiar with the name tag Sister Sheranian (and even knows how to pronounce it). Some may say it was coincidence, but to me-- and I'm sure to Marie-- it was a tender mercy. 

A tender mercy is a gift from God-- an event where a small, almost coincidental miracle occurs. Nothing big. But to believers, it is a sign that God is watching over them. 

And God is watching over Marie. He is in the details of her life, and yours, and mine. I forget that so often. But in moments like these, it is undeniable. 


. . . . .


So just a few hours after finishing this post, I experienced the power of tender mercies again! 

I was shopping at Costco and saw a woman I know from church a couple checkout lines down from me. Her cart was FULL of food, which I knew was to feed her growing kids. I wasn't close enough to say hello, but after I checked out and started walking towards the exit, I saw her again. This time she was talking to the cashier and looked distressed. So I walked up to her and asked if she needed help. She explained that her husband had taken her checkbook and debit card and that she had nothing to pay with! 

It was so amazing to me that I was there at exactly the right time. So I swiped my credit card and she arranged to pay me. I didn't feel any particular prompting to be at Costco at that exact time, but I did feel prompted to go up to her and ask what was wrong. I could have easily walked past, and I'm so glad I didn't! There is nothing better than becoming a tool in the Lord's hands to work a tender mercy for someone else. 

My Sweet 14-Month-Old

My friend, Olya, took these adorable pictures of Isaac. Isn't he a cutie? My favorites are the last two. But these raccoon ones melt my heart as well. :-) Actually, let's be honest: I love them all! 

I love this age! I think I've felt that way about every age, but it just keeps getting more fun. Isaac loves to read, and he will bring books to me throughout the day. His new thing is that he hands me a book and then runs to the couch because he knows that's where we sit to read. I love it when he sits on my lap and rests his head against my chest. It's our time to relax.

Isaac is a really good eater, but drinking has been a challenge for us. He is officially weaned, and really, it was the smoothest transition ever. I was the one that had been pushing nursing for the last 3 months because I was worried about his liquid intake and diet (due to his allergies). But my milk dried up, and nursing became a futile cause. So, we just stopped, and he hasn't even cared. Talk about an easy transition.

But getting him to drink enough has not been easy. I put sippy cups around the house, but if it were up to him, he would drink less than 8 oz a day. So, I offer, offer, offer. If I offer a lot and spoon feed him a bowl of cereal and oat milk, he can get around 20 oz down-- but that is still 4 oz shy of what is supposedly the absolute minimum he's supposed to be drinking. ACK! Any suggestions there? We did buy a straw cup, but I'm still not sure if he prefers that. We've tried Nesquick in the oat milk. I even blended up fresh strawberries to make a smoothie-like drink, and he wouldn't drink that. So the only things he drinks are watered-down juice and water. I'm hoping this is just a phase and that he will start liking chocolate oat milk. What kid doesn't like chocolate milk?

His new skills include walking backwards (he does it when he's trying to see what's on top of the counter), spinning in circles, crawling up the stairs (I let him climb all the staircases in our complex as we s-l-o-w-l-y make our way to the mail box), eating with a fork, and saying a few words! He is not a big talker and rarely says these words, but he has said all of them multiple times on his own:

dada
ba (ball)
teh-teh (Teddy)
buh (book)
buh-buh (bubble)
nuh-nuh (no no)
puh-puh (poke poke) -- This is what we tell him to do when he's eating with a fork.
ickle ickle (tickle)

The thing he says the most is "DUH!" Which is pretty much the equivalent of "THAT!" He points and says "duh!" to whatever he wants. It's cute, but I'm excited for him to become more verbal.

Life with a one-year-old is very sweet.

Laughing at Myself

Usually I have a hard time laughing at myself, but today Brent and I had a good, hard laugh about a naive mistake I made.

Today when I was walking into Costco, I noticed a woman walking out who had a big black smudge on her forehead.

I thought, "Oh dear. When that poor woman gets home and looks in the mirror, she's going to think, 'Why didn't anyone tell me I had a huge smudge on my face?!"'

But then, as I walked through the store I saw other women with this strange black mark, so I thought, "There must be a booth where they are offering free samples of some strange beauty product.'

As I continued through the store, I saw another woman who didn't have the mark and thought, "Ah, see she didn't get a free sample. When they offer me one, I'm not going to get it either." However, I never saw the booth, checked out, went on with my day, and never thought anything of it. Until Brent came home and I told him the story.

"The weirdest thing happened today," I said, "It was like from a sitcom." And I told him the story. I didn't get  through more than one sentence when he said, "It's Ash Wednesday."

Boy, did we laugh.

How dense can I be? Well let me just say that I don't remember ever in my life seeing someone observe Ash Wednesday. Maybe I have, but not that I remember. Brent says he has only seen people observe it since moving to Houston. I guess my other two Ash Wednesdays in Houston must have been spent at home-- or in stores where the less-devout shop. (Which could be true since today I went to Walmart after Costco, and there was not an ash to be seen. I doubt there's a correlation, but since I didn't see anyone outside of Costco with the mark, it did support my free-sample theory.)

Ah well, it was all worth a good laugh!

Four Seasons

About a week ago I was taking a walk with Isaac on a beautiful warm day. Technically, it was winter since it was January-- and most of the trees are bare, but the warm sunshine felt reminiscent of summer. At the same time, the crisp breeze and floating leaves made it seem like fall, and the blooming flowers and a passing butterfly made me think, "Wait, is it spring?"

Who says Houston doesn't have four seasons? We just experience them simultaneously.

Hypothyroid Update

It's been two months now since I started taking medication for hypothyroid, and I can feel such a difference! Yesterday, I worked out, took Isaac to the park, ran an errand, cooked dinner, and tidied up the house-- ALL IN THE SAME DAY!!! You have no idea what a miracle that is for me. In 2012, there was not one day when I did ALL of those things, and especially without taking a nap, or laying down on the couch at least 3 times. I feel like myself again. And it feels so good! I'm actually crying as I write this because I feel so, so grateful to be back to normal.

Sleeping Through the Night

I just have to share with you, friends, a personal victory: I am sleeping through the night! This is a big deal--because between getting up to go to the bathroom while pregnant, getting up for a baby, and dealing with post-baby sleep anxiety and other sleep problems, I haven't been able to sleep for 7-8 hours straight for about 2 years. We finally taught Isaac to sleep completely through the night (7:30 pm to 7:30 am) in November, but it still took me a long time after that to not wake up.

Part of the problem is that I am a super light sleeper: when the AC kicks on, I wake up. So, when the AC runs 300 nights out of the year, that's a lot of disrupted sleep. But another big problem is what I've learned to call my "sleep hygiene," a term used in the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0. I picked up this book initially to help me with one of my new year's resolutions (to increase my emotional capacity). In it, the authors (Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves) suggest "cleaning up your sleep hygiene" in order to improve self-management (or the ability to manage your own emotions). For me, this was a no-brainer connection. I clearly can control my emotions better when I get enough sleep. But what they discussed as far as "cleaning up" sleep was new to me.

To get better quality sleep, they suggested to 1) Get twenty minutes of morning sunlight, 2) Turn off the computer at least two hours before bedtime, 3) Keep your bed for sleeping (don't work on your laptop in bed), and 4) Avoid caffeine. For me #1 and #2 have not been happening. And so this week I've worked on getting outside in the morning and not using the computer at night. And it's worked. I have slept so much better. I also get to bed earlier because I'm not on the computer to get sucked into doing something (that is probably unnecessary) for an hour.

Another book that helped me was The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantly. I just love this book. She is opposed to cry-it-out, which I am not.... but the book is still the best I've read on getting babies to sleep. Her tone is one of experience and empathy, and the book is well-organized (none of which I can say about Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). One of the book's gems is the last chapter, "Baby's Sleeping (Finally!) but Mommy's Not." She has some great pointers:

• Pay off your sleep debt (at least what you can) by sleeping as much as possible the first few weeks after your baby is sleeping through the night
• Set your body clock by going to bed and waking up at the same times every day
• Take time during the day to write out a to-do list to avoid creating a mental one while lying in bed at night (I have a big problem with this one!)
• Avoid caffeine and watch for the side effects of meds you might be taking
• Exercise (she gives a great list of baby mom-friendly ways to make this happen)
• Make your bedroom comfortable (temperature, noise, light, etc.)
• Have your own bedtime routine
• Eat right and light before sleep
• Encourage relaxation (repeat a familiar mediation (like a scripture), breath slowly while repeating one calming word, use progressive relaxation to relax all your muscles)

I haven't tried all of these things, but now that I've written this list, I'm definitely going to make more adjustments to my routine. I'm hoping that armed with this information (and hopefully new habits) I will able to sleep much better this next year! And hopefully that means I'll be easier to live with too. :-)