October Recap

In October, Brent and I flew to Los Angeles to attend my Grandma Sheranian's memorial service. The burial service was at Forest Lawn in Glendale, CA. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the short service was wonderful. The next day, the memorial service was held at the Westwood Chapel-- the building where I grew up going to Church. It couldn't have been a better memorial. It was well attended by friends and family and all the talks paid honest tribute to my grandma's life of service. 

Because my grandparent's home is a stone's throw from the L.A. Temple (quite literally--if you have a good arm), Brent and I took the opportunity to enjoy the good weather and walk around the grounds.  (And I believe this is the first picture of my pregnant belly to appear on this blog. I haven't avoided having pictures taken of me or anything. I'm just not into documenting my belly week by week. Here I am at 30 weeks.)

While we were on the temple grounds we heard a loud CRAAAAAAAAACK! THUD!!!! We turned around to see a main branch of this huge, beloved tree on the ground. When we got a closer look it appeared that another main branch had recently weakened, fallen, and already been hauled away. There were cones and caution tape around the tree-- as if the grounds crew knew this next branch was about to go. The crazy thing was, the perimeter they set was exactly enough room for the branch to fall. If there had been anyone around who had ignored the caution tape, they could have been crushed! 

I have always loved this tree-- which sits on the northeast corner of the temple lot--and so it makes me sad to see it go. It is a favorite spot of brides and grooms to get their picture taken, and now it will most certainly need to be removed. Just look at that gash! I can't believe we just happened to be there when it happened.  

While staying at my parents house, we took some family pictures. So here is a cute shot of me and Brent. Any guesses on what the baby will look like?

And here's another belly shot. I'm all about low-key-throw-it-together-two-seconds-before costumes. So I put on Brent's orange shirt and cut a jack o' lantern face out of construction paper and taped it on. :-) (This is at our Primary Trick or Treat activity. Instead of doing trunk or treat, we decorated doors in the halls and had them trick or treat room to room.)

The main event not pictured here was moving apartments. We LOVE our new place, and I'll post pictures soon! 

Reflections on Moving

As I was unpacking and organizing, I found a piece of paper with a short, scribbled essay that I wrote during the Central Utah Writing Project. The CUWP was a 4 week course about teaching writing I attended during the summer of 2010. Dr. Debbie Dean and Dr. Chris Crowe-- two of my favorite BYU professors taught the course, and I had SO much fun. It was the perfect non-wedding thing to keep me busy and focused while engaged. 

One of the activities we did was a “walk-about” in downtown American Fork, UT. We wandered around, found interesting attractions-- be it the city hall, a hidden park, or a strange store, and then sat and wrote about them-- or whatever came to mind. 

I shared a lot of my writing during CUWP on this blog, but I didn't share this piece of writing (which I wrote during one of the walk-abouts) because it was so emotionally charged for me. . . and mostly because I didn't want to make Brent nervous by expressing my reservations about moving to Houston. But now that we've been here a year, I feel it is time to share. Keep in mind that I wrote this in about 10 minutes and that I pretty much transcribed it exactly as the original (I only broke up the paragraphs for clarity.)

Going into that antique store got me thinking about decorating. Soon I will arrive at an apartment in Houston with a truckload of belongings but almost not furniture and a limited budget.  And I feel nervous. Decorating is one of those small things that makes a big difference. It’s the way you accept a new space as your own. It’s how you can change a cold, uninviting place into a home.

All my life I’ve dreamed of having my own home to decorate and care for just how I wanted. But now that the day is approaching, I feel a little overwhelmed by the thought. Maybe it’s because I’m moving 1500 miles across the country to a place where I have never been and where I will have no family (besides a husband of 1 month, of course). I’m excited, but nervous. So many changes at once. Will I make friends? Will I find a good job? How long will it be before I feel “at home” in Houston?

The truth is I’ve done this before. As a missionary I had a hard time adjusting to South Africa, but after a few months, it became a part of me. I know I can do it again, but it still feels like a leap of faith.

I’m actually glad I get to decorate our apartment with my paintings, my books, my pictures. Moving all my belongings to a new place will help me move my heart.

It's interesting to reflect back on these feelings of anxiety. In the weeks after our wedding as we prepared to move, I cried-- more than once-- because of the stress and anxiety I felt. Poor Brent, as a brand new husband, wasn't sure exactly how to react. He, very seriously, asked me if we shouldn't move. Obviously he wasn't used to my way of coping with stress. I told him, "Of course not! I just need to cry about it." :-)

But all my anxieties were just that-- unwarranted fears. I actually felt "at home" in Houston during our first week here. It's the most amazing, seamless transition I've ever made into a city. The noise, the lack of stars, the crazy drivers, the ethnic and racial diversity didn't phase me a bit because of my upbringing in L.A. and experiences on my mission. And really, the pattern of our lives-- our habits, our relationship as a couple, and the types of friends we made-- really didn't change. The move was so much easier than I had anticipated. Taking the first step was the hardest part.

Blessings of Friendship

This last weekend, Brent and I moved apartments. We are now in a 2-bedroom on the second floor (instead of a 1-bedroom on the third floor), and we're 15 minutes closer to Brent's work. Plus we are right next door to our chapel-- I mean right next door. If I stick my head out my bedroom window, I can see it. With all the church activities and meetings we attend, we'll probably save a few tanks of gas over the course of the next year. And the best part is that the neighborhood is quiet and beautiful. We wavered back and forth about whether or not to move, but we are so happy we made this choice.

One of my major concerns was moving so late in my pregnancy (I'm 32 weeks), but it went better than I could have imagined! Not only did our friends help us move out and then into our new apartment, but they also helped me completely clean the old apartment-- in under 3 hours! We had 6 men show up and 5 women--plus me and Brent. (Although I have to admit, I was the least helpful. I actually didn't move a thing.)

When Brent returned the truck to U-Haul 5 hours early (I reserved it all day just in case), the woman working there was surprised. Brent told her we had about 12 friends come over to help us move. In shock, she asked, "What did you pay them?!" Brent said, "Oh we bought them some kolaches." (Kolaches are rolls filled with meat, cheese, and/or egg that are sold at doughnut shops and are very popular in Texas.) She said, "THAT'S ALL??!"

While we were cleaning, one of my friends told me that a co-worker asked what her plans were for this weekend. When she said, "Oh, we're helping some friends move," the co-worker couldn't believe it. It seems like no one helps each other out these days.

When Brent and I told each other the stories, we laughed-- but also felt sad that some people don't have a network of friends they can rely on for service. This is one of the greatest blessings of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to me. In the Church, we friend each other in a culture of service. It is not weird or strange to ask for help when needed because not only is it expected, it's also reciprocal. Our friends know that when they ask for our help, we will be there!

Obviously this kind of network of friends is not unique to our Church-- and there are many people who have this kind of service network who may not attend any church. But I feel like especially in the big city, where people live so independently, this kind of community network is rare. And I think that's unfortunate. I wonder how many social problems would be cured if we just took better care of our neighbors, of our friends-- if we watched out for each other.

And Baby Makes Three

And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives is by John M. Gottman and his wife Julie. They are the marriage therapists featured in the book Blink by Malcolm Galdwell, if you've read that. And this book is based on a years and years of research that they have done.

Really I think this is probably very similar to their other books (although I haven't read them) with a baby spin. It focuses on how to resolve conflicts in marriage-- but specifically those that arise after a baby is born. They talk about how statistically marriages don't fare well after a baby is born, but if you have the right skills that you will be fine. They also talk about how the tone of your marriage will affect your baby. Babies feel calmer and more secure when their parents are at peace.

The book was a helpful review, but I'm not sure I learned anything new. Basically what I took away is that we will both be tired and stressed after the baby comes and that we will need to be patient with each other, calmly resolve conflict, and proactively make plans to nourish our relationship. The end.

Two Parenting Book Reviews

As you can tell, I have been reading a lot. Here are some interesting parenting books that I recommend for your reading pleasure. As with every parenting book, you have to sift through what works for you--but parent or not these are interesting reads.

Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences by Leonard Sax argues that boys and girls really are different-- and that reality should shape parenting and teaching. Considering what is taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, I thought the ideas in this book were very refreshing. It seems like I've heard too many times that gender is a social construct. That girls act like girls only because that's what society teaches them, etc. And although society does have an influence on how we perceive our gender, it is not the only thing. There really are biological differences.

In fact, I am proof of this. My mom talks about how when she was pregnant with me she was going to do parenting right-- as she was taught in all her college classes--and buy gender neutral toys for her kids. Since, I was her first, I got both traditional girl and boy toys. But I only played with the "girl" things. When she saw that the only time my sister and I ever used the toy airplane was giving rides to our barbies, she officially gave up. We were girls.

The book was a very fascinating read, but now that it's been a month since I read it, I have to admit that I can't remember many concrete ideas. The down side of reading a library book is that you can't underline! I since I can't remember anything, it just proves that they best parenting book is the scriptures. And that's why God wants us to read them every day.

A funny side note  is that there are two quizzes in the back of the book: How Feminine Are You? and How Masculine Are You? On the Feminine test I scored "You are not feminine at all." LOL. What? And on the Masculine test I scored "You are not masculine at all." Thank goodness!!!

I guess that just means I'm too assertive to be feminine and too sensitive to be masculine. So funny!

This was another fun book to read. Lenore Skenazy doesn't have any credentials other than she is a mom, but she's a great writer and has some good ideas. She got a lot of press when she wrote a column about how she let her 9-year-old son ride the subway by himself in NY. He had wanted to really badly, and she felt he was ready, so they planned the trip. She dropped him off in the middle of the mall on a Sunday with a map and money, and he made it safely home. The press freaked out and she ended up with a bunch of hate mail calling her the worst parent ever. So she wrote a book. 

A large portion of Free-Range Kids is dedicated to debunking all the myths that keep parental anxiety high. She talks about how crime rates are no different today than they were in the 70s (they peaked in the 90s, but have dropped significantly). She talks about how the chances of your child drowning in the toilet are almost 0 and the chances of your child being poisoned by Halloween candy are even lower, etc.   Then she goes on to give 14 commandments of Free-Range Parenting with suggestions at the end of every chapter to help you take baby steps towards giving your children more freedom. Baby steps like turning off the nightly news if it makes you anxious, turning off your cell phone for a day so your kids can't reach you, letting your school-age child cross the street by your side without holding your hand. 

My favorite point in her book is that you should quit trying to control everything because it doesn't work anyway. Now, isn't that the truth? I'm not saying I won't try. I mean I'm not even a parent yet. But it seems like this is the lesson that life teaches me over and over again.

Letting your kid ride around the block on his bike is actually less dangerous than keeping him locked inside where he'll become a couch potato and end up with problems. If you're not an anxious parent, then you can read this book for a laugh. If you are, then it might have some good ideas for you. 

All I know is that I'm grateful for my parents. I definitely had a different type of free-range childhood (because I grew up in Los Angeles) than my brother who grew up in the suburbs, but my parents still gave me freedom. When I was 10, they let my friends and I sell cookies and lemonade on the sidewalk in front of our apartment building-- with minimal supervision from the window. We sat out there with a cash box, yelling "Lemonade!!" And honestly, we made a lot of money because what we were doing was rare in my neighborhood. These working, childless people walking their dogs must have thought they'd gone back two decades and I think they were tickled by it. More than not, they'd let us keep the change!

We not only sold the cookies, but we baked them. I remember my mom helping us in the kitchen, but I never remember her freaking out about us opening the oven or using knives or anything. She let us do it. 

My parents also let my friend and I eat at a cafe by ourselves when I was in 5th grade. We really wanted to do it by ourselves, and they let us. They dropped us off, we ate at the counter, paid for our food, and then got picked up. It was scary and fun. 

But my parents also taught us to not talk to strangers, to NEVER swim without supervision, and to be confident in saying "No" to things we knew weren't right. They also didn't let us have sleep overs until we were 10, and honestly, I'm don't think I'll let my kids sleep over at all--it never leads to good things. 

So free-range parenting isn't about letting your kids do whatever. But it's about making sure they do have freedom in the areas that really are okay--like riding a bike around the block-- which actually may not feel okay if you're overly anxious, but you can get over it. 

Book Review: Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method by Marie Mongan

The main idea proposed in this book is that relaxation is the key to birthing. When you relax, your body can do what it was designed to do without interference from the tension that builds up as a result of fear and pain. I have friends that have used this method of birthing and have had very positive results. And I have actually decided to take a HypnoBirthing class. So, I definitely recommend this book.

My only complaint is the title. Hypnobirthing just sounds so cooky to me. To me, hypnosis = weird! I was so worried about it, I actually called my uncle who is a psychologist and a dean at BYU to ask his opinion. What he said confirmed exactly what the book explains: hypnosis is intense focus in deep relaxation. You don't lose any control. You just are so focused and so relaxed that time passes more quickly. My uncle compared it to driving a familiar route and when you arrive you think, "How did I get here?" because you were so absorbed. And that's actually the same analogy the book uses as well. In fact, as the book described the techniques of breathing, relaxation, and visualization -- I was very much reminded of an experience I had at the BYU Bio-Feedback Lab.

The purpose of the Bio-Feedback Lab is to assess your stress level and teach relaxation techniques. During my senior year, I went down to the BYU Counseling Center to sign up for a session at the lab when I was feeling VERY stressed. Unfortunately, they were booked for a week. By the time I had my appointment, I was actually feeling pretty good, but I decided to go anyway. They had me take a survey about what caused stress in my life and what I did to manage it. Then they had me sit in a comfy leather recliner, hooked my finger up to a temperature monitor, and put some sort of electrode monitor on my forehead-- I guess to measure my brain activity. Then, I listened to a relaxation track on a CD-- one that took me through some different relaxation techniques, including muscle relaxation and visualization. It was awesome!! At the end of the session, the temperature of my hand had increased by 4 degrees (the colder your hands are, the more stressed out you are) and my brain waves showed signs of relaxation as well. As I said, I felt pretty good when I went into the Lab, but I was on Cloud 9 when I walked out! I wish I could have gone every day.

Now, do I think I'll feel like that in labor? Not necessarily. This book does claim that labor can be painless for some women-- that women describe feeling pressure, but no pain. And that would be great, but I think that sets a pretty high expectation. However, I do think that the techniques in the book will help me stay calm and keep me from emotionally freaking out, which I am prone to do. :-) And do believe I will feel less pain using these techniques than without them.

Basically, this book helps you emotionally prepare for birth--helping you develop a positive attitude about birth and teaching you how to stay calm throughout every phase of labor. And an added plus-- no naked pictures!

Life is Hard; Life is Good

My Grandma Sheranian is very sick. She has been battling Ovarian Cancer, Stage IV on and off for the last 18 months and has stopped pursuing treatment. She has been so brave! As my friend Dave, who is battling cancer for the third time in his life can attest, cancer is no fun!! You spend a lot of time in the hospital, you get poked by needles all the time, you often get to have surgeries--sometimes more than once, and you never have energy.

It seems like the longer I live and the more people I meet, the more I realize that life is hard. My parents wisely  protected me from the difficulties of life as a child-- and I am grateful. Perhaps because I have had such a stable, good life, I am all the more surprised by the how much others suffer--sometimes because of their own choices, but often because of events beyond their control. And I'm surprised when I have to suffer--even in small ways-- because so often I expect life to be easy all the time.

And it seems like when I talk to other people about disease, aging, death, or other life challenges, one or the other of us will say, "Life is hard!"  And that is true.

But life is also good!

The good memories really do outweigh the bad. The blessings we receive each day-- food, shelter, family, friends, employment-- outweigh the challenges. And just like the Book of Mormon teaches, the hard times bring greater sweetness to the good.

Brent and I spent a week in Utah together last month and had such a wonderful time visiting family, enjoying the cool weather, and most of all spending time with each other. It was fun to be in the place where we were married on our first anniversary. It has been such a good year-- hard in a lot of ways, but good!!!

The future is full of potential and hope if we face it with faith.

Book Review: Active Birth

Active Birth: The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally by Janet Balaskas (1992) argues that movement and positioning during pregnancy and labor can have a huge impact on the birthing process. The first part of the book explains the physiology behind why certain positions during labor and birth hinder the process while others help. Then the middle portion of the book explains a series of yoga exercises  and stretches (with helpful photos) that can help strengthen and prepare you for giving birth. And the last part of the book gives practical advice on what to do during labor-- including what to do if you choose to get an epidural-- and how to help accelerate the healing process after birth.

I felt that overall this book was much more useful to me than Ina May's book. I plan on using the exercises and advice about how to stay comfortable during labor. And I liked that this book didn't make me feel like getting an epidural would be evil, since depending on my situation I may choose that option.

I would definitely recommend this book to any pregnant woman-- whether she is planning on a hospital birth, home birth, or water birth, and whether she is planning on a medicated birth or not. My only caution is that this book has many graphic photographs of completely naked women giving birth. Why, oh why? To me birth is such a private sacred thing, I don't think pictures are necessary. But other than that, I think this book is great. I plan on reading long sections of it to Brent.

Book Review: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

I have been reading a lot of books in preparation to have this baby and thought I'd share some brief book reviews. 

Ina May Gaskin, the author of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, is probably one of the most influential people in the natural childbirth movement. Her book, unsurprisingly, challenges conventional thought about childbirth and aims at empowering women to believe in their natural ability to birth--with as few interventions as possible. 

The first half of the birth is comprised entirely of birth stories, most of which take place at The Farm, a birthing center in Tennessee that Gaskin founded. Her purpose in including so many birth stories is to help women see how birth works without medication and common hospital interventions--how the mind and body are connected and how birth generally can be an uncomplicated, calm experience. I skimmed this section because although some of the stories I read seemed helpful, others seemed to give my anxiety-- which ironically was the opposite of Gaskin's intended effect. (Another important note about this section: there were a lot of graphic birthing pictures-- so this is not a book you want lying around the house for anyone to pick up.) 

The second half of the book focuses a lot on the history and politics of childbirth--which I also skimmed. However, there were some helpful chapters in which Gaskin discusses the mind-body connection and gives evidence as to how labor is affected by the thoughts and feelings of the mother. She argues if there is fear or anxiety or lack of privacy, these emotions can slow or even stop labor. She says to aid in the progression of labor laughter, relaxed breathing, and increased privacy can help. In fact, she suggests that labor usually progresses very well while sitting on the toilet. She additionally advocates upright labor positions in order to maximize the help of gravity and the angle of the pelvis. 

Again, the majority of the second half of the book takes a very anti-hospital stance and tells horror stories that I suppose are meant to be educational, but primarily seemed to push her own agenda. The most interesting thing in the second half of the book is what Gaskin calls the Sphincter Law. And I'm glad I read the book just for this information. If you're interested, you can google it. I just wasn't sure how to talk about here without getting too graphic.

I would definitely recommend this book if you are interested in the history and controversies surrounding childbirth, but if you are looking for a book that will help you give birth, this probably isn't quite the right book. 

Our Little Guy

Here are some pictures of little Baby B (B for boy and Brent Jr.). We don't have a name for him yet--and probably won't until he's born, but here's a little peek at what he looked like at 18 weeks 6 days. Brent scanned these at work and put in the captions himself. My favorites are the first two on the right where it looks like he's waving at us. :-) So cute! 

These scans didn't come out as clear as the actual photos, but you get the idea. Proof that he's in there!