Saren's parents, Richard and Linda Eyre (of parenting literature fame) hosted the retreat at their home and participated as well. I have read some of what they have written, but hearing them speak in person was very impressive. And I loved how down-to-earth and approachable they were.
The retreat started with some suggestions about how to get the most from the day, and then jumped right into presentations alternating with small group discussions. What surprised me the most about the retreat is how much I would learn from the other mothers. Everyone there was a fabulous mom, and those women had so many great ideas.
On a personal level, the retreat was also fun because I got to spend time with two dear, bosom friends: Rachel, a Writing Fellows/English-teaching friend who I hadn't seen in about seven years and who initially got me involved with Power of Moms, and Amanda, one of my college roommates who I wish I lived next door to and who is also now an editor. I only wish the three of us had had more time to chat-- as I'm sure the three of us just sitting and talking could have been equally invigorating.
But now for the report. There is no way I can replicate what I experienced at the retreat. And to be honest, it was so jam-packed with information, my brain started to get a little fried at the end. (Although, that could have been because I was sick with the stomach flu the two days before.) But here is some of what I learned:
Hard is good!
One of my biggest questions going into the retreat was, "How can I get through the hard times?" There are parts of motherhood that are so daunting to me-- especially morning sickness at the beginning of pregnancy at sleep deprivation at the beginning of babyhood. Since I only have one child and plan to have more, those fears sometimes really weigh on me. Can I really handle more children??? Most of the women there were my age and had 3-4 kids. And it was great to hear from them. They've been through it, and they didn't sugar coat anything. When I asked what they do to cope in the hard times, my group actually went silent. Hard times are hard! To be honest, no one had an easy answer for me . . . because there isn't one. But seeing that they knew what I was talking about was some nice validation.
What really helped though was Linda Eyre's message: "Hard is good!" She was actually the first one to speak-- which was right after I had written down my question (What are coping skills for the hard times?). And she immediately answered it!! Talk about inspiration. As she talked, I couldn't hold back the tears. She spoke of her mother and grandmothers and the trials they faced-- immigrating to a new country, losing loved ones along the trail to Utah, having children late in life, etc. Their great sacrifices have inspired her, and she encouraged us to look to our ancestors and ask, "What came from these hard lives?" The answer give us strength to move forward.
Share Your Heart
A lot of moms deal with a huge weight of guilt-- guilt for all the things they can't do or aren't able to do as well as they would like. I didn't think I had this problem too much, but after thinking about it more, I really do carry guilt for things like not exercising or eating right, and for my lack of motivation to get chores done or do creative projects around the house.
April explained that the best way to get rid of the guilt is to share your heart. She explained that when she can't volunteer in her kids' classrooms, she tells the teachers, "In my heart, I would be here every day, but my schedule is such that I can't right now." She says that when she does this, the guilt is able to leave. This is a great article April wrote on the subject: http://powerofmoms.com/2013/02/how-to-be-all-things-to-all-people/
My Deeper "Yes"
April also talked about the importance of saying,"Yes," to the things that matter way deep down. For her this is spending time with her mom, whose health is quickly declining. She would love to travel this summer with Saren, who is driving across the country with her family to see the sights and do a bunch of mini-retreats, but she's saying, "No," to that so she can fulfill her deeper "Yes." It made me think about what things I need to say no to so I can say yes to the things that really matter.
Five-Facet Meetings
Richard Eyre shared how he and his wife kept connected to each other and their nine kids. Once a month they would go on a date to a restaurant with the sole purpose of talking about their kids. They called this their Five-Facet Meeting because they discussed five facets of each of their children: How was each child doing physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and socially?
He said that mostly this was a reporting meeting because his wife knew most of the information, and he didn't. But as they identified problems, they were able to counsel together about them. He said that his process helped prevent many problems from getting out of hand.
He said that mostly this was a reporting meeting because his wife knew most of the information, and he didn't. But as they identified problems, they were able to counsel together about them. He said that his process helped prevent many problems from getting out of hand.
I thought this was a fabulous idea. I know most parents talk about their kids on a daily basis. But sitting down to discuss each facet of each of your children really provides an opportunity to evaluate how things are going at a deeper level.
Building a Family
They Eyres also taught about how the family is a microcosm of a society. Just like in any successful nation, you need a working economy, a strong legal system, and unifying sense of culture. We spent half the day talking about these three things, and I got a ton of ideas on how to teach about money, how to discipline, and how to build family traditions.
Mind Organization for Moms
This is a program offered by Power of Moms to help organize your life-- not only your papers, calendar, etc., but also your mind. There were SO many good tips in this part of the retreat, but one of my big takeaways was to identify the next action on my to-do list. In other words, when you write your to-do list, you shouldn't write down, "Plan baby shower," or even "Send out invites," because those tasks are too overwhelming or too complicated to actually complete that day. Instead, you should write down only the next action, which could be, "Email Katie to get the addresses of the people she wants to invite." If the action is doable, you are much more likely to actually do it!
"I'd Love To" Jar
April shared how when she was tired of her children dragging their feet to do chores or complaining about requests, she came up with this idea. If her children responded to her by saying, "I'd love to, Mom," they got to put a cotton ball in the jar. When it was filled, they all went out for frozen yogurt. And she said it worked great! If a child forgot and started to grumble, she said she would repeat her request with an extra sugary sweet voice to remind them about the jar. She told a great story about how when she asked her son to put away a shopping cart, and he said, "I'd love to," the grocery store checker was shocked.
Go to Antarctica
A mom named Janelle who led one of the group discussions told about how in their family when you need to cool down (after getting mad, frustrated, etc.), you say, "I'm going to Antarctica." She says this helps everyone identify when they need to take a break. She also has a white fuzzy blanket and a snow globe that her kids can grab to help them calm down if they need to.
Mind Organization for Moms
This is a program offered by Power of Moms to help organize your life-- not only your papers, calendar, etc., but also your mind. There were SO many good tips in this part of the retreat, but one of my big takeaways was to identify the next action on my to-do list. In other words, when you write your to-do list, you shouldn't write down, "Plan baby shower," or even "Send out invites," because those tasks are too overwhelming or too complicated to actually complete that day. Instead, you should write down only the next action, which could be, "Email Katie to get the addresses of the people she wants to invite." If the action is doable, you are much more likely to actually do it!
"I'd Love To" Jar
April shared how when she was tired of her children dragging their feet to do chores or complaining about requests, she came up with this idea. If her children responded to her by saying, "I'd love to, Mom," they got to put a cotton ball in the jar. When it was filled, they all went out for frozen yogurt. And she said it worked great! If a child forgot and started to grumble, she said she would repeat her request with an extra sugary sweet voice to remind them about the jar. She told a great story about how when she asked her son to put away a shopping cart, and he said, "I'd love to," the grocery store checker was shocked.
Go to Antarctica
A mom named Janelle who led one of the group discussions told about how in their family when you need to cool down (after getting mad, frustrated, etc.), you say, "I'm going to Antarctica." She says this helps everyone identify when they need to take a break. She also has a white fuzzy blanket and a snow globe that her kids can grab to help them calm down if they need to.
Books Recommended at the Retreat
Getting Things Done by David Allen
Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Surrendering to Motherhood by Iris Krasnow
Parenting Breakthrough by Merrliee Boyack
Positive Timeout by Jane Nelsen
Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham
Christlike Parenting by Glenn Latham
Some Great One Liners
A good goal for life: wake up excited and go to bed content.- April or Saren
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” -C.S. Lewis quoted by Richard Eyre
In motherhood, the crazy moments outnumber the joyful, but the joyful outweigh the crazy. -Saren